Confessions Of A Hustla's Housekeeper 4 by Jahquel J

Author:Jahquel J. [J., Jahquel]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2022-12-23T22:00:00+00:00

9: Yves St. Michaels

“This just doesn’t feel right, Vee,” I confessed while looking over the lease the leasing agent had sent over this morning.

The apartment was perfect for just me and the babies. It was a two-bedroom apartment that had more than enough room for all three of us. The entire time I walked through the apartment I felt sick to my stomach. It felt more like a funeral than a new chapter of me being independent. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be for me and Roddy. We hadn’t been on the same page since I told him I wanted to move out. This was something that was supposed to bring us together, and it felt like it was pushing us further apart. When I left rehab, I promised myself I was going to work for this relationship. We had been through so much and said so much that we both deserved to make this work. If not, we needed to agree to go our separate ways.

“It’s a lot to consider, Honey. You’ve never had your own place before, so it’s going to feel different.”

“No, it doesn’t feel like something I should be doing. I’m pregnant with twins. Is it even smart to be moving into a place alone? Shouldn’t I be around support right now?”

Vee rubbed my arms as I stared down at the digital lease on my iPad. “What are you saying, Yves?”

“I don’t think I want to do this anymore,” I admitted.

My addiction had taken so much from me already. I lost my daughter, family, and friends. The last thing I wanted was to lose this relationship by creating distance between us. I didn’t want our relationship to fail because we couldn’t communicate the way we needed to. How were we ever going to work if we didn’t put our best foot forward and make this relationship work?

“What has changed your mind?”

This was supposed to be the happiest time in our life, and here I was trying to move into my own place. I remember feeling so alone, even while living with my mother. The first time I felt some kind of love and comfort was when I moved into Roddy’s house. Even through all the hurtful shit we had said to one another, I could see the love Roddy has for me has never wavered. My biggest fear is Roddy would eventually grow tired of dealing with me. That my addiction would be too much, and he wouldn’t want to deal with it anymore. This wasn’t something small. It was something I would have to deal with for the rest of my life.

“Me and Roddy have been in this weird space since the topic of me moving out has come up. It’s like he’s been avoiding me.”

Roddy was avoiding me, and I hated it. We both knew we needed to have another conversation and neither of us made the first move to have it. I feared we would end up in a huge argument and that was the last thing I needed.

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